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02 November 2013 @ 01:32 am
When people would actually post on this site??
28 April 2013 @ 11:52 pm

I was flipping through the channels on tv tonight and I saw that Crazy, Stupid, Love was on HBO. I remember seeing the movie with a friend when it came out and that I really enjoyed it. I missed the first 15 minutes or so but since there was nothing else on I decided to watch it again.

I have to say that besides being one hilariously funny movie, my head is spinning right now with so many thoughts the movie put in there about love, and dating, and relationships. I'm thinking about these things in a general sort of "big picture" way but at the same time I'm thinking specifically about how they relate to me. Rom-Coms don't typically invoke a lot of intellectual thought, certainly not in the way that Hollywood produces them and yet for some reason I can't stop myself from reflecting on what I just watched.

In a general sense I'm thinking about how so common it is for males to objectify women and how society views promiscuous men and women so very differently. And how some people use sex as a tool to accomplish so many different things. On a personal level I'm reflecting on my experiences (or lack thereof) with these things, my expectations, my failures, my fears and anxieties, how happy I am to see the people close to me enjoying all of these things, how sad and empty it makes me feel that I rarely, and in the case of love, never have.

I don't think that I can elaborate coherently any further on any of these topics, at least not at the moment. It's getting late and I'm tired and I just have too many jumbled thoughts in my head. Perhaps sometime soon I will come back and write more about this.

I will just close with the statement that so far I've lived a life that's very different than the typical person, and the chances of this changing at some point in the future are slim and none.....

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: All out of love - Air Supply
17 September 2012 @ 07:07 pm
I don't think it's humanly possible to feel less desirable than I do at this point in my life.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Last week I took a road trip to Mohegan Sun with a friend. We went up for two nights (left on Sunday, came back on Tuesday). This is a friend I've had for several years now that I've hung out with a few times in the past. We originally met online but we've had dinner a few times so we were both very comfortable in each other's company. To be clear, it's a completely platonic friendship (as are pretty much all of my relationships with women, even those that think I'm normal) and nothing went on or has gone on between us. Even though I'm attracted to her I'm pretty certain she doesn't feel the same way about me. In addition to this she's also got a lot of drama going on in her life (mostly of the baby daddy kind) so she's not really in a position to be dating people at this point in time.

In any event, I went on this little road trip with her with absolutely no expectations going into it. Really, I just wanted to get away for two days and I hoped for the two of us to enjoy the time we spent together. And I have to say that it really was a fantastic two days, so much so that I don't think things really could have gone any better. We gambled, shopped together in a few stores, ate great food, did some drinking and just generally had a good time. We had long, random conversations on the rides and on the first night we were lying in bed (separate queen beds) and just talking about random things that close friends would talk about. It just felt really, really good to be with a woman and have her (at least appear) to genuinely enjoy my company. We even kidded around with the woman behind the counter in Tiffany's, pretending that we were shopping for an expensive engagement ring together. All in all, it was a grand time.

It turns out there was just one small problem. See for the past 5 days I've felt like there's been this big letdown. It's almost like the trip was like a high you would get on drugs, only to have the high wear off and end up crashing back down. I had to go back to work and back to the mostly boring life that is mine. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is experiencing something like that and knowing that it would have been an even better time to do it with someone that I was in a relationship with. And thinking about how much I've missed out on things like this throughout my life not having been in any sort of relationship since I was 19 or 20 years old.

I could have never anticipated that such a wonderful time could turn into these thoughts and this total sense of melancholy. I never in a million years thought I would say this, but I'm almost wondering if I would have been better off not going with her at all. At least I wouldn't be feeling all of this emptiness.

I have a lot of other thoughts swirling around in my head but I'm not sure I can articulate them correctly and I'm also kind of feeling emotionally exhausted over all of this today. I think I'm just going to head to bed in a few, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
06 March 2012 @ 08:22 pm
This is so cute with the rainbow colored ribbons and the pink hearts!!!

Tags: ,
Current Mood: happyhappy
04 March 2012 @ 11:26 pm
Most guys when they see an ad with women wearing swimsuits think to themselves "damn, she's hot!" and then they move on.

When I see an ad with women wearing swimsuits I think "damn, she's hot" followed immediately by "that's the cutest bikini ev-er, I wish I could look that good in it!".
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
26 November 2011 @ 04:24 pm
Bored and just writing a random list of things...
  1. Just got outbid on a leo auction on ebay. :( I was thinking of upping the bid just a bit but by the time I got to the auction page it was over. Oh well.
  2. The weather here has been awesome this Thanksgiving weekend. Yeah, you'll never here me complain about near 60 degrees in late November.
  3. Speaking of Thanksgiving now being over, I really need to get started on Christmas shopping. I was thinking of maybe heading out today but I can't seem to get motivated enough to go by myself. I tried to get in touch with a couple of friends to see if anyone was interested in going by they were either busy or didn't respond. Blah. I might still get started at some point online this evening, I'll see.
  4. As yet another seque (this time related to friends), I'm still plugging away trying to find some new ones but it's usually the same kind of thing. Contact for a little bit and then they disappear. It can be so frustrating, especially when it seems like there might be a real connection. Example: About a month or so ago I had exchanged a few messages with someone on FL. It seems we have several common interests and a connection as to what we were looking for (she's from CT but I was still hopeful, sue me). But then I went almost a full month without hearing from her. She did send me a message yesterday starting off with "Sorry I disappeared for so long...". I guess people get busy or whatever, but I think a lot of the time people just aren't as genuinely interested in meeting new people as I am. At least it seems that way.
  5. It also seems some other folks from around various places on the Interwebs just aren't around as much as they used to be. I probably spend far too much time online so that tends to just make things worse.
  6. The other day I read a blog post from someone that had the title "Mirror, Mirror". The idea behind it was to describe how you see yourself from outside of yourself. In other words, how do you reflect towards others. I started writing a similar post here but I couldn't seem to articulate exactly what I wanted to say. Maybe I'll take another crack at it soon.
20 October 2011 @ 12:33 am
I'm headed to bed for the night. Before I tuck in I'm going to change into one of my leotards or biketards, whichever strikes my fancy first. I'm looking forward to the morning since, as I've written before, I always love first waking up and realizing that I've slept all night in something very feminine. But also, tomorrow there will be an extra bonus. I'm going to be working from home and I plan to get out of bed and head into my office to start work without changing into regular clothes. I'm already excited about the idea of working in one of my girly outfits, it will be fun!

Night, night!
Current Mood: excitedexcited
13 October 2011 @ 10:27 pm
Jordyn, you rock girl....congratulations!!!
I absolutely adore this beam AND floor routine!

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic

I hate it when I have so much I want to write about that I don't know where to start! There's a ton of random thoughts going on in my head tonight so I'll do my best to throw down some coherent thoughts about them all.

{ more goodness below the cut.. }Collapse )
Current Mood: excitedexcited